Boris on Minionhood and Sacrifice

We frequently get asked why we chose to become minions. While we’ve always acknowledged that this is a good question, and assure people that it was the best decision we’ve ever made, it wasn’t until August of 2009 that we truly pondered the possibility that we might be crazy.

Picture this. Stacy and the Future Mayor getting home after a few days in South Haven, in robust Slavic good spirits, LEADING A WHISKEY SWILLING LLAMA BY A LEASH. As Ivan has stated (many, many times), “We should have ran for it.”

How Minions’ Lives Are Ruined

Minionhood has always involved weaponry, vodka drinking, and lengthy discussions about the merits of various Joss Whedon shows, but now it involves something new: Caring for an ill-tempered drunken llama by the name of Dom Perignon. Why are we caring for this sloppy, moody creature?

“Isn’t she cute?” Stacy asked, clapping her hands together like a child.

Really, we want a better reason than that. In a few minutes, I have to check and see if Dom has done her business anywhere she shouldn’t, and I desperately need a better reason.

As many have noted on Stacy’s new blog, we minions have been quiet lately, and that is because we have been busy caring for a llama for the last year and two months. Llama care does not allow for bloggy celebrity, but if you ever need to borrow a copy of Llama Care for Beginners, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Llama Care, or Keep That Damn Llama Alive, Fourth Edition, we’ve got you covered.

But then we’ve always heard that minionhood involves self-sacrifice and taking the path less often traveled. We just never expected to travel this road with a llama. So join us. Join the llama. Who knows what the future has in store?

Coming next week on The Ukrainian Baptist Mafia is Not Amused: Ivan on why you will never convince him to love or tolerate his fellow man.